We've Only Just Hit the Crust

So here we are. Oh boy. I'll try to be as quick and painless as possible, being that this is an intro blog. I feel it's destined to end up like a snowball in a volcano. But I'll try to get the text rolling with minimal collateral damage. I fancy myself a bit of a writer, so bear with me while the learning curve takes me for a ride. I won't pretend that my current audience is any more than a few Facebook friends, but I hope my profile and URL will start to make sense as I take something completely unknown to you and adhere it somewhat to my identity. What else are blogs for, but to entice you to read about what composes the thoughts of someone else?

Since my youth, controllers, gamepads and keyboards were my companions. Sometimes, I would slave for hours at a time over a hot stove [read: console]. It's a thankless job. That said, I've acquired more aliases than I have fingers while meeting and forgetting more people than I can imagine. One stuck around, even though I rarely hear it: Vhamtnof (vam-tuh-nof). I knew I wanted my avatar's name to start with V so I hit "random name" in World of Warcraft till seeing something that barely fit in the phonological rules of English and my 14-year-old logic. To demonstrate, here are the names I went by in the guild, Reign, during my time playing Star Wars: The Old Republic years later: Vhamtnof. Hamtnof. Hammy, Ham. Ham Sandwich, Bacon. My online persona is almost as identifiable to me as my real name. And considering that's Jonathon, I'm just a magnet for nicknames.


Those of us "from the internet" know how toxic people are when anonymity is taken for granted. So I try to use Vhamtnof wherever I go online, social media excluded. My hope is to remind myself of the annoying reality that there's a human being on the other side of the username telling me to go fuck myself. Sometimes it works.

Is it possible to have multiple nicknames that have somehow compartmentalized themselves with preloaded demeanors, triggered by whatever I hear? If so, is that so terrible? It's almost like a cheat sheet to avoid socially awkward behavior when I immediately know how to act. I have enough issues talking to people as it is. It doesn't help having an entire other language's vocabulary floating around in my head, so I'll take any advantages where I can, thanks.

It's true, I speak French. And it's all thanks to two years and a summer at the University of Utah followed by the two most expensive months of my life in Paris. Maybe I'll even blog in French at one point! That way, I can isolate myself even further from all three of you reading this. I do, however, keep an occasional journal in French on Google Drive, which was the only way I could bring myself to recount all the most embarrassing moments since November 2013 - thanks for the idea, Jeff.

500ish words should be enough, right? I'm struggling for things to think about that are on topic and I'm sure you're sick of reading,

Next time, in a few years, I'll talk about my user photo.